The Kent M. Beeson of Western Civilization

Amsterdamned (1988, Dick Maas)

Some background: when I arrived in Arcata to begin my first year at Humboldt State, there were two theaters, the Minor and the Arcata (known to the students as the Major). The Minor, IIRC, had three small theaters; one “big” one with a balcony, and two shoebox ones, not unlike Seattle’s Grand Illusion. I was told that the cavernous Arcata used to be a bowling alley; I don’t think that’s true, but it isn’t hard to imagine. (If you know that one screen at the Crest — that weird one off to the right of the snack counter — imagine that, only ginormous. And Art Deco-y.)

Anyway. Those days, double-features were all the time. ALL THE TIME. Seriously, it made studying — you know, the reason for going to school — very hard, since you paid for the second movie, you just gonna walk out? It was a fucking awesome time to be young and a cinephile, but holy shit, I spent a lot of money at those theaters. Don’t even get me started on RESERVOIR DOGS — I think I saw that like five times, dragging someone new to it each time. (And then there was the PULP FICTION/RESERVOIR DOGS double feature.)

So yeah, the very first movie I saw, days before starting my freshman year, was DIE HARD 2 at the Arcata. Pretty sure I’d seen it already in Modesto; it was a bit of comfort food in a new town, on my own. The second feature? Something called AMSTERDAMNED.

I love this movie, and this long, nostalgia-flecked intro is there to suggest my love is likely wrapped up in issues unrelated to cinematic worth. However, part of why I love it so is that it’s obviously a remake of JAWS, with a crazy knife-wielding scuba diver in place of a shark. (Same thing, right?) Is there a Hoopery scuba expert to assist our policeman? Yes there is. Is there a “Don’t look back, Charlie!”-type scene? Yes there is. Does the killer stick his knife up out of the water like a shark’s fin? You betcha. If it has one thing over JAWS, it’s a pretty good boat/car chase sequence through/along the river Amstel. It’s probably not great, it’s very 80s (“Dick Maas” is Dutch for “Rowdy Herrington”), but it doesn’t deserve to get lost on Vestron VHS.

(You know, I can’t help but think Bong Joon-Ho was thinking about this movie when coming up with THE HOST.  Maybe it’s just the geography of the films — cities with rivers running through them — but there’s a definite similarity of feeling in them.)